Three years ago this week, my brother, sister and I lost our Dad, Jim White. My Mom lost the love of her life. My boys and my sister’s kids lost their grandpa, my uncle lost his little brother…former ball players lost their favorite ex-coach, and a community lost a friend and local business man. He was taken from us by melanoma.
I do not pretend to understand what it is like to fight cancer. I have nothing but admiration for those that fight cancer so bravely all with passionate determination and hope in their hearts.
My family experienced what seemingly so many have experienced or are experiencing this very moment, losing a loved one to cancer. It sucks. It is hard. At times I become selfish, and personally feel that memories that had yet to be created were taken from me and my family. My faith and heart know that he is in a better place, yet it is hard for those left behind when amazing people leave us to soon.
Rather than dwelling on the moments that he is missing, it seems to be better to channel that energy into passion. That passion to pick up the fight where he and so many others left off.
I feel I can speak for my Dad’s family and close friends when I say there were so many lessons we all learned being there with him as he battled melanoma. I feel compelled to share them in hope that other families might also look for all the positive moments, even when there are days where they do not necessarily shine through.
Here are three that stand out with a clarity that is still as sharp as it was 4 years ago when his battle began:
Live in the Moment – As hard as it was spending so much time in ICU, the hospital stays, and towards the end, at Jim’s home under the care of Hospice…those times gave us amazing memories, due to us being together as a family. Uncles, Aunts, brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews, nieces, mother-in-laws, father-in-laws, close friends…we all were focused not on the daily tasks of work, challenges that we face day to day, or outside conflicts, but rather on LIFE. His LIFE. Our LIFE as ONE Family, and ONE community, all supporting my Dad’s one goal. To LIVE. And living only in that moment, striving to help him achieve that ONE goal, was fulfilling and beautiful. Life matters most when you are fighting for just 1 extra week, day, or minute. The Future literally becomes the Present, and the Past is a gift.
Faith – Faith in God. Faith in the human spirit, Faith in Dr. Mo, and his team. Faith that all this suffering has meaning. Faith in each other and Faith in what it means to fight one’s final battle with dignity and integrity.
JOY – That is a word I honestly, never gave much thought to prior to 2010 when my Dad was diagnosed with Recurrent Melanoma. But the word has not escaped me since he passed in 2011.
Almost 600 people attended my father’s visitation. I bet 500 of them used the word Joy or Joyful, when describing my father. And as hard as it was, we listened intently to each one of them, absorbing the power of that word that described how my Father’s Joy made a difference in so many people’s life.
As human beings we have great days, rough days, and everything in between. But I saw Joy in my Dad as he fought this terrible disease for a year. He honestly never complained. And I saw Joy in others at the Holden Cancer Center at the U of I as they fought their own battles. Whether they were 63 years of age like my Dad or 5 years old as some of those kids were when I walked through the Children’s Cancer wing. The Joy shinned through them.
Do not overlook the power and difference you can make by extending Joy to others as we reside on this planet.
I am honored to be able to share in this time slot that is typically filled by such an eloquent writer and amazing person such as Dr. Mo. Wednesday is the day that my Dad would write his own blog through Care Pages, sharing his Joy of life to hundreds, giving them a little extra inspiration for their week. Now that same WED is the day I look forward to reading the brilliant and intimate words of a man who genuinely cares about the human spirit and his patients. Those whose battles have ended and those still fighting seem to feed him energy to press forward and keep fighting the good fight. With JOY in his heart.
I would like to end on an excerpt from one of Jim’s Care Page entries:
“Looking back to March 28th when I was released from UI Hospital after a 13 day stay (7 in ICU) I remember making some short term/intermediate goals…*attend Easter Mass w/ my family *celebrate grand-daughter Hailey’s birth *participate in grandson’s (Jaden, Tyler, and Dylan) birthdays in April, May and June *traditional Father’s Day golf outing and cookout *4th of July (special to me)…except for the birth of Hailey these occasions are nothing new, but they’ve never meant more to me. Guess what I’m trying to say is this month I’ll be 63 yrs old, but I’ve learned how to live, enjoy and appreciate life to its fullest just in the last 6 months.”
Thanks for taking the time to peak into a bit of Jim and his family’s story. Writing it was somewhat therapeutic for me. If you have lost a loved one to cancer, keep telling their stories. As cancer is just a small chapter in their amazing book of how to live life to the fullest.
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